


When Spock wasn’t

by anassa_anemou



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-17
Updated: 2013-05-17
Packaged: 2017-12-12 03:39:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/806764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anassa_anemou/pseuds/anassa_anemou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock Prime, He knows that there have been many unanticipated changes to the timeline, but it's still a surprise to find his counterpart in a relationship with a woman</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Spock wasn’t

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the queerfest 2013.

Spock didn’t save Vulcan in this reality, but he was willing to admit his trip wasn’t useless: Earth had been speared of such fate and the Enterprise crew was once again in the hands of James Tiberius Kirk. This universe had many changes which Spock had to assimilate, but he always known Jim’s place was on the Enterprise, surrounded by his crew, exploring the universe beyond.

His trust in Jim was beyond what most people believed a friendship could take: being half Vulcan always meant both sides weren’t sure how to analyze his sentiments and how they progressed along his daily life. Jim knew Spock sentiments were beyond friendship, but that never stopped how free they were to continue a friendship without traces of romantic interest. His love was guarded in his heart and Jim was careful enough to never use Spock’s feelings against him.

In this world, Jim is heartbreakingly young and Spock old heart aches as he sees him look lost, but assertive in the first months of his capitanancy. The young Spock was a good balance, quietly passing his thoughts, trying to easy the raw feelings still floating amongst them. This Spock doesn’t love this Jim Kirk; this Spock is still learning how to like and respect Jim. And this Jim, while a womanizer like his own Jim had been, has a vulnerable spot for this Leonard McCoy and even if, right now, Leonard didn’t and couldn’t love Jim in a romantic way, Spock could see the care, and the spark just there waiting to be lightened in less dark times.

Spock still felt drawn to Jim, his center would never gravitated to far from the greatness contained in his Captain, be him young, more hurt and less willing to see in a much older Vulcan something more than a fatherly model to lean on when others failed. Leonard, the young one, would squint his eyes and nod at Spock, telling without words he is watching and while they all appreciated his help, the man prefered the Ambassador to go. It wasn’t jealous per se what he feels when the doctor lets Jim rest against him, it is more like longing and regret: even when he was sure his own Jim would never be able to turn to him for other than a steady hand in his shoulder or perhaps a hug in moments of distress, he didn’t stop feeling; those sentiments continued buried, but not less felt.

Walking around the Enterprise he can see technological changes, and it soothes him to not know how everything workes or how to get to every place in the best time possible. Re-knowing the ship and it’s crew makes him less lonely and his chest less heavy with memories of the past. One night, when he leaves Jim and their chess match in half after realizing how tired the Captain truly was, he saw young Spock walking slowly through the corridors and without thought followed several steps behind: it surprised him young Spock didn’t seem to sense his presence; the initial surprise scaled to shock when Lieutenant Uhura received Spock with a lovers kiss.

He saw before how close they were, Uhura close to young Spock in the little time he saw them together. It was friendship to the outside world, but when he inquired the next day, subtly, Jim said he saw kissing and that Spock was softer around the edges when near the lieutenant, which meant Jim was sure it was a longterm relationship and not a passenger act. It disturbed Spock.

His Uhura was a elegant and suave woman, powerful and well educated, one of the most amazing woman he ever meet, human or not. This Uhura is less hard, but not less strong and she has softer eyes that indicate more compassion to the ones around her. Young Spock’s eyes are softer when she is around too, his spine less ramrod straight and his posture slightly turned in her direction.

It was fascinating to observe one so like him, essentially a double of him, staring at her, looking and centering himself in the softness of a woman’s body. Spock struggled his whole life knowing Vulcan needed children and being certain he would never give his planet and his family what duty dictated. His own mind, in the long nights meditating, would turn only for seconds to the images of bodies as his, seeking a hard fulfillment of something he was ashamed; of something that went far from what his ancestors believed. This Spock can fulfill the desire for children and have a relationship that is normal to other eyes, even if his choice of mate is human.

Spock is not blind, Uhura is not passenger to young Spock, she already carved her place in his heart, and while it will take time for him to accept, his mind is already forming a bond with her. Being natural, the bond will be stronger if they decide to formalized and it’s stunning to see, even shocked, Spock himself is glad at least one Spock will find his companion.

Looking now, to all this child-crew, he could see they would be bright, they would lost loved ones, but they would live, more complete than he or his own crewmembers ever been. The regret weights in his shoulders, but there isn’t anything he can do except help the orphans of his home planet, help them find a place, a sense of belonging.

Spock drinks his tea and observes the doctor and the captain smiling softly to each other, just beyond their table young Spock is eating his food slowly while Uhura murmurs a new language. In another table, Sulu is trying to make Scott stop with his tales, probably of sexual content, if young Chekov’s face shade of red is an indication. And Spock, he will finish the tea and go meditate, tomorrow he will be back to New Vulcan and he will try and convince Sarek they can be civil to each other; is still weird to think this man is his father, but he will make amends the best he can.


End file.
